Aug 24, 2010

The Tron Disney doesn't want you to see. NSFW

The internet can be a scary place sometimes. Just today I was considering turning the safe search back on while looking for pictures of comic book characters on Google. It can take you down dark roads indeed. But sometimes the internet provides you with something you'd never have gone looking for in the first place yet can't quite bring yourself to turn away from either. Case in point? A Tron sex instruction video.*

Titled Score, the website WonderHowTo.com brings us a rather unique guide for those geeks out there who might be a little clueless when it comes to sex. You may have gotten a huge boner earlier this year (or been completely disgusted) from Batman XXX: A Porn Parody but don't worry, this isn't anywhere near that graphic. It's just...well, it's two people humping with their clothes on. See for yourself. (And let's not kid ourselves here, you ARE going to watch it.)

It's one of the most uncomfortable things to watch but I couldn't stop thanks to the dialogue: "The Penetrator gently spreads the Receptor's knees and reveals it's USB port. The Penetrator guides it's Dongle into the USB port." and "Step 6: Check stimulation progress bar. Begin transfer when ready." are two of my favorites.

WonderHowTo.com is calling it the "geek version of the Kama Sutra" because not only did they produce that first video featuring the Missionary position, they've also covered such classics as the Wheelbarrow, the Pearly Gates and the Scorpion. Not all of the videos are as detailed though. Here's the story behind the making:
Thirty-three years ago, ILM and Lucas used a ton of mainframe hardware to crunch and render the masterpieces of the Star Wars series. Five years later came Tron. A few years after that, James Cameron and his IBM backed Digital Domain attacked the world of special effects. For SCORE, our nerd boy shot these tutorials with a RED camera, After Effects, a Mac, and a couple crappy bicycle helmets. And it looks sick.
The sound design and music are by Christian Danielson, Kevin Crow, and Braincloud but no other credits are given for this masterpiece of nerd porn. Thanks to the team at large though, you don't have to resort to looking at Teen Titan gang bang porn anymore (yes, I've come upon them in my google searches), you've got Score to help you score!

What do you think? Is this the next wave in sex-ed or will young geeks just think having sex with your clothes on is the way to do it?


*Olivia Wilde not included.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey now, to be fair: sex with the clothes still on can be pretty fun, especially if you just can't wait.

TheReelRussell said...

That's Geeky and Sexy! Just hope I don't get a virus watching it :P

Josh Hill said...

dry humping, Tron style!

ErinPatricia said...

I never knew the MCP was into the kinky stuff...

ImjustDoug said...

Ok.
First of NO I didn't watch and am not going to. Second, the pic in the article alone is slightly disturbing. Third, (sigh) I HAVE run into all kinds of those "dark roads indeed," online. But this is just as weird and disturbing to me as the Batman XXX parody you mentioned a few weeks back. I guess I am just turned off by the sheer over the topness of these ideas. Just voicing my two cents worth.

Anonymous said...

amazingly fun and actually instructive! thanks, Jill! :D

Bunche said...

I was just about to ask if you'd seen this, but I should have known not to doubt your Internet diligence.

Latchkey Kid said...

Uh. I don't know whether to be disturbed or not. I know there must be a lot of self abuse with super heroines bursting out of every outfit they own, but maybe geeks needed instruction on how to do it with someone else?

Good find!

Humerus Brett said...

LOL - hysterical! Step 6 indeed! I love that this was 'incredible' technology back in the day, and now it's DIY...